I have a hard time keeping on track when it comes to things I’m not excited about. It’s most evident with things I dislike doing, but the truth is that I’m just terrible at sticking with something and actually putting in the effort at something. Case in point, I’ve not written much ever since I got very excited about motorsports. Nor have I really continued playing music, or working on my game prototype. A part of this is a shift in priorities, definitely. But a lot of it definitely comes from that fault of mine.
It was fine, for the most part, while I was studying because, for the most part, I could just do it all on the top of the hour and deliver something passable. Unhealthy, for sure, but it worked well enough I didn’t have to do anything different than what I had been doing. A missed opportunity, I think, even though I did learn that lists can help, if I happen to actually use them.
The thing is, I just wouldn’t know where to start. I’m terrible at keeping habits, so telling myself to just “check a list of things every morning” doesn’t particularly help. Instead, I do compulsions: I get home and I turn on the PC, as if an instinct. My mind wanders and I open reddit, no two thoughts about it. Web comics I visit? Regularly check during the day if there is a new page, even though I know there won’t be. The list helps, until I stop using the list.
Naturally, my solution is to make the list even more intrusive in my life. I can’t run away from the list if it is on my phone, so I must look at it, yeah? Much like event notifications on my calendar. They don’t let me conveniently forget things, so I’m that much more likely to do them. But, as it happened with post-it notes, I am also very good at looking at it and saying “nah, I’m not going to do that right now” repeatedly, or even “I already did enough today”.
I wish I had better tools. I know they are out there. I need to sit down and research what I can use. In fact, I’m positive a therapist would be a great asset in helping me get this down now so that it doesn’t continue to be a problem and maybe I get to pursue some things I do want to do. For now, however, even if only a band-aid, I’ll try the ever more intrusive lists and hope they are a good interim solution.
This post was brought to life by an item in a to-do list.