It’s that time already, huh? Enrollment for the upcoming school year have opened, and so the thought that I’ll have to enroll for the next year weights in my mind. And the entirety of my body screams that it is a terrible idea, that I shouldn’t go forward with it. My mind disagrees, of course, it believes that this is the best course of action. I will need a job and if I want to get one, then I should get a degree (besides, the IT field pays well, right?). There is also the subject of the scholarship, which means I am essentially being paid to study. Anybody sane knows which one is the correct choice. I know which one is the correct one.
But… when there is no drive, no motivation to study something… it becomes hard. The financial incentive isn’t there. I don’t have any desire to succeed in the field and when it comes to the necessity to live, I would personally take another route (one that would probably be harder, but at least it would be mine). And it has all been spoiled further by my mother’s repeated attempts to convince me to keep working at it by saying that I need a degree for others. And… I know she means well, but it really makes me angry because it feels like my own happiness doesn’t matter as much as that piece of paper because “it’ll open many doors”.
I just don’t think I can handle the emotional toll of another academic year. The last few years of high-school were harsh, spent mostly in a dead emotional state, one that I do not wish to return to.