Today, I talked with the orientation services of my University. The official reason we talked is because I have been questioning whether I want to continue the course (and considering all that would entail) or try my chances at something else.
My thoughts on the matter aside, the conversation was quite interesting. She tried to probe around, in what I guess was an attempt to figure out why I contacted her. I was quite forthcoming with my thoughts on it and why I have been bothered by the process so far and why I believe that it will not change once I get a job. Truth be told, my experience with the course has been going downhill.
We also talked about the situation at home, which I guess it can be summed by: “I feel like I am speaking to your father” (paraphrasing).
Beyond that, we didn’t touch on other subjects much, perhaps because we ran out of time. And, if I am honest, I do not think that I got much out of it. The rational decisions were reinforced throughout the talk by both of us and there was a rather normal lack of consideration towards how I feel about it. A part of it definitely comes from my lack of direction (I don’t know what my options would be, or what other alternatives I could take). There is a part, however, that comes from the expectation that teenagers need to learn to “suck it up” because that is life, completely ignoring the question of whether I would be happy with that choice.
I am aware that it was only an hour, and for anything to come out of it I would have to invest time. The pessimist in me questions whether the effort will be worth. But, like I told her: part of the reason that I am trying is so I can say that I did. Beyond that? Whatever happens.